Tuesday, February 23, 2010
And the winner is...
For those who've been following my overly melodramatic story about my job 'crisis', I've finally made my decision. The tears, sleepless nights, and hours of hashing have all led me to decide to stay in my current position. Dream job? No. But neither was the other. What really decided me was the people - they were very nice, but for all of them, the job was the goal and not the stepping stone. While I could (and would) ask the Breadwinner to compromise his career/familial happiness for the right position, this one definitely wasn't worth it. Now, if Harvard calls up and offers me an Assistant Professorship, we'll be having a different discussion (and moving to Boston)... :) Cheers.
Monday, February 22, 2010
And yet more debating...
I seem to be coming around to the teaching position (perhaps precipitated by the not-so encouraging news on the commercial publication sell-out front from my Journal). It could be bad if I turned down the position and then lost my current job in April. Of course, we could always save money by pulling the Spawn out of school for a while, but I am not meant to be a stay-at-home Mom. Greater than 3 days at home with my admittedly incredibly charming and engaging child makes me want to scream and pull out all my hair. Patience is a virtue I lack.
The Breadwinner correctly points out that this was the first job that I interviewed for, and I got it. Of course, that's not counting the numerous CVs I sent out unanswered, but I do have a 100% offer rate if I interview for a job. Do I need to be so desperate as to take a not ideal job at a not ideal University when I'm probably very marketable (although becoming less so every day)?
My main concern about "letting it go" is the timing of the academic job cycle. It's not like I could turn it down and apply for other positions starting in Fall '10 - I'd have to wait for Fall '11 (and who knows where we'll be then). But then the academic job cycle is my main concern for accepting the teaching position (that and that whole amorphous "doesn't feel right, but maybe get me in a better place someday" feeling that pervades my entire thought process about this. Here're the numbers, and I don't know how to work around them. Spawn 2 is due in early August. Classes start early September (with necessary class and lab preparation throughout August). When planning this before, I didn't take into account the necessary pre-start, on campus lab setup time (just the lecture prep time, which I can do earlier). If S2 is 3 weeks early (technically possible b/c of 2nd pregnancy), I'd be totally fine. If, however, s/he follows the example set by S1 and is 2 weeks late, that'd have me start lecturing on campus with a 2 week old. Beyond not ideal, plus we wouldn't be able to put S2 in daycare at that point.
Maybe it's just too much change in a very short time period. I don't know. I'm struggling to think of someone that I can ask for advice on this one, but I don't know anyone who's been in a similar situation. Have to decide soon.
The Breadwinner correctly points out that this was the first job that I interviewed for, and I got it. Of course, that's not counting the numerous CVs I sent out unanswered, but I do have a 100% offer rate if I interview for a job. Do I need to be so desperate as to take a not ideal job at a not ideal University when I'm probably very marketable (although becoming less so every day)?
My main concern about "letting it go" is the timing of the academic job cycle. It's not like I could turn it down and apply for other positions starting in Fall '10 - I'd have to wait for Fall '11 (and who knows where we'll be then). But then the academic job cycle is my main concern for accepting the teaching position (that and that whole amorphous "doesn't feel right, but maybe get me in a better place someday" feeling that pervades my entire thought process about this. Here're the numbers, and I don't know how to work around them. Spawn 2 is due in early August. Classes start early September (with necessary class and lab preparation throughout August). When planning this before, I didn't take into account the necessary pre-start, on campus lab setup time (just the lecture prep time, which I can do earlier). If S2 is 3 weeks early (technically possible b/c of 2nd pregnancy), I'd be totally fine. If, however, s/he follows the example set by S1 and is 2 weeks late, that'd have me start lecturing on campus with a 2 week old. Beyond not ideal, plus we wouldn't be able to put S2 in daycare at that point.
Maybe it's just too much change in a very short time period. I don't know. I'm struggling to think of someone that I can ask for advice on this one, but I don't know anyone who's been in a similar situation. Have to decide soon.
Friday, February 19, 2010
The Lesser of 2 Evils
Admittedly, my title is overly melodramatic, but I am currently in a career conundrum. I've decided to use this blog as a forum to start sorting through my thought process and (eventually) come to a decision.
I am currently in a position as a Scientific Editor for a small society publisher for a couple of medium-impact scientific Journals. At the end of the day, I enjoy editing and the people I work with and find my day-to-day life quite pleasant. The job has a number of perks:
-I can work from home and have flexible hours.
-My boss is incredible and focused on my education in the publishing industry as well as in editing.
-I get to read and write about science constantly.
-I get to travel to international scientific and editorial meetings.
-There's not a lot of bureaucracy.
-I'm incredibly independent.
-The hours are great, the benefits are good, and the pay is on par with what I could make elsewhere (more at this stage of my career).
-There's opportunity for advancement.
-Great with the Spawn and for up-coming Spawn 2.
These are all the reasons I took the position, and they still apply.
Unfortunately, there are some key problems:
-Primarily, I'm just not inspired by the work. It doesn't stoke my imagination and make me excited to go into work in the morning. It's a job, just a job, and with the Spawn (v1 and 2) I don't have time for other passions in my life right now.
-Secondarily, but perhaps of more concern, is that the Journals have currently submitted an RFP to be published by a Commercial Publisher. The decision won't be made until April at the earliest, but that would very likely result in the loss/significant alteration of my job by year's end.
Nothing new here, I've written all this stuff ad nauseum.
Now the twist - I have a job offer to be a non-tenure track professor at a large public university. It's a teaching position, and I'd get to teach my specialty without generalized classes of a million students. Sounds cool, huh? Sounds like what I've always wanted, right? So why am I leaning toward turning it down?
Plusses:
-I'd get some teaching experience, which is probably necessary for the tenure-track position.
-It's a change from what I'm doing now, which I'm slowly being burnt out by and am definitely not inspired by.
-I like teaching and student interaction, and doing something new would be a refreshing challenge.
Now the bad side:
-The University has funding problems - my equipment would be way beyond outdated, and the salary offered is less than an administrative assistant straight out of college would make. (Our budget is already pretty tight). Plus, even with pay increases, years down the line I'd max out at what I'm making now.
-The students are, shall I say, not exactly 'top caliber', and I'm a bit (or more than a bit) of an Ivory Tower Snob.
-I'd be starting over (again) on the experience scale. How many times can you start over when you're at my advanced age?
-The commute is much longer (1/2h-1h), in the opposite direction of The Breadwinner (who commutes over an hour each way). And while I'm on the Breadwinner, his position is temporary and in the next year he'll be looking for a more permanent position. Do I want to inhibit his search for a not nearly dream career?
-Hours will be strange and will have to find alternate care for the Spawn (v1 and 2).
-Speaking of the Spawn, S2 is due in the beginning of August, when I'd have to be preparing my classes. Assuming on-time delivery, I'd only have 3 weeks at home, all the time working.
-The non-tenure track thing really rubs me the wrong way, and I'm afraid that instead of a stepping stone, this position may be seen as a change in track/career ender.
-I feel loyalty to the Journal. My boss (most inconveniently) is pregnant and due at the same time as me. She's counting on me to help run things when she's out (I plan to still be involved in Journal-life if here). I feel like I'd be betraying her to leave.
-What if, after the novelty wears off, I'm just as bored by teaching the same thing over and over again as I am by editing?
So the debate - out of the fire and into the frying pan? Should I risk a significantly decreased quality of life for something that's key attraction is that it's significantly different from what I'm doing now? Should I risk limiting The Breadwinner's career options and the Spawn's family time for a mediocre position at best? Would it be better if I continue to bide my time and wait? Even if the RFP goes through, I'm now qualified to be an editor. Maybe I would feel more important at a major publishing house reading cutting edge papers that I think are really cool rather than the slightly above mediocre, incremental crap that we get. I'm in touch enough with myself to know that my ego takes a blow every time I come into work and have to sit in my storage room 'office', reading horrible papers. I'd be willing to wager that I'd be happier and have more purpose if I worked for Science or Cell or Nature...
If we move across country (or even closer to the Breadwinner's job), my decision will be quite easy. Do a postdoc (which I can't really afford right now, but I'm assuming The Breadwinner's new job will have increased salary). No, I don't want to do a postdoc, but it's the decision that I feel the most comfortable with. If I KNEW that he would get a higher paying position in X amount of time (higher paying enough to afford the nanny we'd need to take care of the Spawn while I worked my hopefully only 60-hour weeks - or conveniently close to family so it didn't matter), I would definitely wait and take the postdoc. Despite all of my previous railing against it, I actually feel sometimes that it's my fate to be a scientist, like it or not, happy or not. Even in my misery, it felt RIGHT, which is something I haven't felt since I started this position and that I still don't feel about the teaching position.
So I guess what it comes down to is that I'm not deciding between being an editor or a teacher. I'm deciding between the known escape (teaching) and the unknown languishing (how much longer can I stay here before my skills atrophy and I turn into a complacent suburban Mom lump and not an edgy, angry, motivated scientist).
What's my dream job? Shit - I want to cure diseases. I want to know that my work has helped saved people's lives, or at least that I tried. I want what I do to be important (to me at least), and to me the only thing that's important is science. It's crystal clear to me, and it only gets fuzzy when I try to think about things in my life other than what I want. Everything about science sucks - the money, the hours, the job security, the frustration, the people, the publish or perish environment. But if I had 20 million dollars, I'd set up my own lab and just do work. So why shouldn't I do that now? I'm a GOOD scientist (at least I was) who hates the trappings of the career. And maybe that's why this teaching position doesn't feel right. If there's such a thing as meant to be (which I don't really believe), I'm meant to be a scientist - even if I suck and hate it. So I should turn down the teaching position, suck it up as an editor for a while longer, and hope everything will "work out for the best". Not exactly a good plan for someone who needs to be in control of everything, but probably the lesser of the 2 evils...
I am currently in a position as a Scientific Editor for a small society publisher for a couple of medium-impact scientific Journals. At the end of the day, I enjoy editing and the people I work with and find my day-to-day life quite pleasant. The job has a number of perks:
-I can work from home and have flexible hours.
-My boss is incredible and focused on my education in the publishing industry as well as in editing.
-I get to read and write about science constantly.
-I get to travel to international scientific and editorial meetings.
-There's not a lot of bureaucracy.
-I'm incredibly independent.
-The hours are great, the benefits are good, and the pay is on par with what I could make elsewhere (more at this stage of my career).
-There's opportunity for advancement.
-Great with the Spawn and for up-coming Spawn 2.
These are all the reasons I took the position, and they still apply.
Unfortunately, there are some key problems:
-Primarily, I'm just not inspired by the work. It doesn't stoke my imagination and make me excited to go into work in the morning. It's a job, just a job, and with the Spawn (v1 and 2) I don't have time for other passions in my life right now.
-Secondarily, but perhaps of more concern, is that the Journals have currently submitted an RFP to be published by a Commercial Publisher. The decision won't be made until April at the earliest, but that would very likely result in the loss/significant alteration of my job by year's end.
Nothing new here, I've written all this stuff ad nauseum.
Now the twist - I have a job offer to be a non-tenure track professor at a large public university. It's a teaching position, and I'd get to teach my specialty without generalized classes of a million students. Sounds cool, huh? Sounds like what I've always wanted, right? So why am I leaning toward turning it down?
Plusses:
-I'd get some teaching experience, which is probably necessary for the tenure-track position.
-It's a change from what I'm doing now, which I'm slowly being burnt out by and am definitely not inspired by.
-I like teaching and student interaction, and doing something new would be a refreshing challenge.
Now the bad side:
-The University has funding problems - my equipment would be way beyond outdated, and the salary offered is less than an administrative assistant straight out of college would make. (Our budget is already pretty tight). Plus, even with pay increases, years down the line I'd max out at what I'm making now.
-The students are, shall I say, not exactly 'top caliber', and I'm a bit (or more than a bit) of an Ivory Tower Snob.
-I'd be starting over (again) on the experience scale. How many times can you start over when you're at my advanced age?
-The commute is much longer (1/2h-1h), in the opposite direction of The Breadwinner (who commutes over an hour each way). And while I'm on the Breadwinner, his position is temporary and in the next year he'll be looking for a more permanent position. Do I want to inhibit his search for a not nearly dream career?
-Hours will be strange and will have to find alternate care for the Spawn (v1 and 2).
-Speaking of the Spawn, S2 is due in the beginning of August, when I'd have to be preparing my classes. Assuming on-time delivery, I'd only have 3 weeks at home, all the time working.
-The non-tenure track thing really rubs me the wrong way, and I'm afraid that instead of a stepping stone, this position may be seen as a change in track/career ender.
-I feel loyalty to the Journal. My boss (most inconveniently) is pregnant and due at the same time as me. She's counting on me to help run things when she's out (I plan to still be involved in Journal-life if here). I feel like I'd be betraying her to leave.
-What if, after the novelty wears off, I'm just as bored by teaching the same thing over and over again as I am by editing?
So the debate - out of the fire and into the frying pan? Should I risk a significantly decreased quality of life for something that's key attraction is that it's significantly different from what I'm doing now? Should I risk limiting The Breadwinner's career options and the Spawn's family time for a mediocre position at best? Would it be better if I continue to bide my time and wait? Even if the RFP goes through, I'm now qualified to be an editor. Maybe I would feel more important at a major publishing house reading cutting edge papers that I think are really cool rather than the slightly above mediocre, incremental crap that we get. I'm in touch enough with myself to know that my ego takes a blow every time I come into work and have to sit in my storage room 'office', reading horrible papers. I'd be willing to wager that I'd be happier and have more purpose if I worked for Science or Cell or Nature...
If we move across country (or even closer to the Breadwinner's job), my decision will be quite easy. Do a postdoc (which I can't really afford right now, but I'm assuming The Breadwinner's new job will have increased salary). No, I don't want to do a postdoc, but it's the decision that I feel the most comfortable with. If I KNEW that he would get a higher paying position in X amount of time (higher paying enough to afford the nanny we'd need to take care of the Spawn while I worked my hopefully only 60-hour weeks - or conveniently close to family so it didn't matter), I would definitely wait and take the postdoc. Despite all of my previous railing against it, I actually feel sometimes that it's my fate to be a scientist, like it or not, happy or not. Even in my misery, it felt RIGHT, which is something I haven't felt since I started this position and that I still don't feel about the teaching position.
So I guess what it comes down to is that I'm not deciding between being an editor or a teacher. I'm deciding between the known escape (teaching) and the unknown languishing (how much longer can I stay here before my skills atrophy and I turn into a complacent suburban Mom lump and not an edgy, angry, motivated scientist).
What's my dream job? Shit - I want to cure diseases. I want to know that my work has helped saved people's lives, or at least that I tried. I want what I do to be important (to me at least), and to me the only thing that's important is science. It's crystal clear to me, and it only gets fuzzy when I try to think about things in my life other than what I want. Everything about science sucks - the money, the hours, the job security, the frustration, the people, the publish or perish environment. But if I had 20 million dollars, I'd set up my own lab and just do work. So why shouldn't I do that now? I'm a GOOD scientist (at least I was) who hates the trappings of the career. And maybe that's why this teaching position doesn't feel right. If there's such a thing as meant to be (which I don't really believe), I'm meant to be a scientist - even if I suck and hate it. So I should turn down the teaching position, suck it up as an editor for a while longer, and hope everything will "work out for the best". Not exactly a good plan for someone who needs to be in control of everything, but probably the lesser of the 2 evils...
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