I'm going to turn away from science in this post and talk about careers and compromise.
I'm a firm believer in following your dreams, if you know what they are. Maybe I read too many adventure novels as a child or heard too many people tell me that I could be whatever I wanted, but it sunk in. I believe that if you work hard (and I've always worked VERY VERY hard, often much harder than the smarter, more talented people around me), you'll be successful.
The thing about belief is that it isn't always grounded in fact. The vast majority of people do not get what they want, no matter how hard they work.
The problem isn't me. I know I blew it by taking my current position. I'm going to have to go back, reset, take two or three more years to recover from my editorial vacation. But that's the price I have to pay for making the wrong decision, and I'm willing to pay it if it gets me where I need to be. I am sick of being a nearly middle-aged schmuck, but schmuck I'll be as I work towards my goal.
The problem is the BreadWinner. He has always worked as hard, or harder, than I have. We must have picked up the Puritan work ethic from the small town, working class places we grew up. Right now, he is deciding whether to accept a position that is not his dream. His dream job, which he's qualified for, is not available in the current 'economic downturn'. Veering from the path now could set him back, remove him from consideration in the future. (Much like my editorial vacation has done for me). Sure, it could be an interesting new path for him to follow. And, practically, he needs the position (I don't call him the BreadWinner for nothin'). But every cell in my body screams 'no'.
Sometimes (often), there are things in life that are out of your control. And sometimes you need to compromise to survive. And I have no doubt that the BreadWinner will work hard in his new position, and will find a new goal and a new dream (as I have). A wrong turn isn't always a dead end. But that's just rationalization. Giving up on a dream, compromising, is one of the hardest things you can do. Especially when you're giving up out of necessity, not choice. Life is difficult, and we've always been incredibly fortunate (still are). The most important thing is that we keep on moving forward.
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1 comment:
Thank you for the inspiration. It is nice when "dreams" are synonymous with "profession," but as many artists in the U.S.A. know, sometimes you need both. This is what the jazz cats call the "day job." I say this in the hope that it loosens up some dreams and the possibility of pursuing them (though I expect it is hard to pursue immunology, or writing and performing pieces for orchestra, without institutional support). As a scientist, do you wonder whether it is empirically verifiable that most people don't get to pursue their dreams, or is this line of discussion purely one of spirit and faith--those things which cannot be measured with scientific instruments?
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