Uncertain Futures - 2009 in Review

Yes, so it's that time again. Another year, another evaluation of where I've been and where I'm going. I've been posting so infrequently mostly because there's been no change, and I decided that constantly complaining without making a positive effort was an incredible waste of my time (and yours).

I just reread my 2008 in Review post, and the outlook has significantly improved since then.

1) The Spawn can walk and has outgrown 4 of his 5 dangerous food allergies. One to go. He's an obvious mechanical genius (in my completely unbiased and objective opinion), and is talking so fluently that I swear he teaches ME new vocabulary daily. It's been an incredibly exciting year watching him grow and develop, and he's a fun, happy, and curious kid. What more could I ask for? Well, except for the potty training thing...

2) The Breadwinner did manage to land a job. It's not a dream job, and the pay isn't exactly what we were hoping for, but we are making it under budget on his salary with some frugal spending. The position is temporary, with no set end, which makes things a little dicey for my job hunt. While everything isn't completely rosy, and the future is hazy, things are definitely looking up from our bleak prospects a year ago.

3) I still live in Suburban Hell. I would have though it'd have grown on me by now, but I still bristle daily at the lack of vibrancy in my surroundings. The combination of Spawn and Suburban Hell has changed my life significantly, although not necessarily for the worse. I've exchanged opera and Shakespeare for the beach and hiking, and restaurants and pubs for cook-outs and drinking wine under the stars.

4) My job - no progress. I'm interviewing for a couple of cool new positions (teaching and policy) in the fall, but both are stretches. My postdoc dreams (nightmares) have been put on hold because of budget/time constraints. Honestly, my day to day existence in this position is wonderful - intellectually challenging, low stress due to my exceptional time management skills, creative, fun... I just miss having that overarching goal, the greater purpose, that has always driven me, and I find that no matter how comfortable/fun/interesting my life is now, it's not enough. I hope that in the next year, the Breadwinner will find a more permanent (and lucrative) position so that I can return to the unmitigated misery of pursuing my dreams.

Overall, I'd say this year was a success - neither the best nor worst of times. We've had no major traumas but no major successes either. It's easy to get caught up in the complacency of daily existence and miss the big picture, the 500 lb gorilla that's constantly knocking on the door (or my head). I hope in 2010 that we'll be able to get back on track, follow our "destinies" if such things exist. 2009 has felt like a vacation, a side-step from the real business of our lives (for both me and the Breadwinner), and we need to somehow do what feels right, what guides us, despite the sacrifices.

That being said (and this is a big secret so no tattling, but I feel confident that non-existent readers don't gossip), we've decided to bring a Spawn II into the world in early August. The timing would work out nicely if my job hunt is successful (arriving before the school term starts), and otherwise I decided to take advantage of my "vacation" job to procreate before I have to rededicate myself to the lab. The Breadwinner feels strongly that Spawns should have siblings, and I hear that when there's two, they entertain each other, leaving you free for other pursuits...

So what are my goals for the year to come?

1. Find a new job - something that isn't just fun but that I'm passionate about and that drives me.
2. A healthy, happy Spawn II (with no food allergies). Spawn I can feel free to grow out of the milk allergy as well.
3. The Spawn will hopefully be potty trained before year's end.
4. I need to exercise and read daily (and start again working on my aborted attempt at a book). I've let my priorities shift with my added responsibilities, and need to re-find my focus.
5. I want to take a vacation - go somewhere cool (and not for work), somewhere adventurous that inspires and stretches the imagination.

Not so bad. They seem attainable (well, except for the potty training one). As far as the job hunt, the next few months will tell.

A Happy and Healthy New Year to all, and may the best day of your past be the worst day of your future!