Spawning and Job Hunting - A Toxic Mix

As mentioned in previous posts, the nonprofit that I'm working for is currently in the process of selling out to managed publication. Despite the incredibly rosy picture painted by my Executive Officer, ("everyone will now have more time for interesting projects that they've had to put on the side burners"), and reassurances that my position at least will not be "downsized," I'm privy to the financial benefit information put forth by our business staff. The projected savings in staff salary do not merely include the 1-2 editorial assistants that have already been warned that their positions will likely be "downsized" or "repurposed" within the society. A significant portion of my responsibilities (admittedly the ones I don't like) are going to be transferred to our new publication manager (final approval in a couple of weeks), leaving me to wonder exactly how I'll be "repurposed." Although my knowledge of society functions is limited, I can see how my scientific and editorial expertise could be of use to the society, but I cannot imagine how these new responsibilities will be any more fulfilling than my already mundane and purposeless existence. I'm an action-based person and I've been stalling long enough. It's time to flee.

The problem of course is that I'm currently incubating Spawn #2, and showing pretty seriously. So seriously that random strangers have started touching my mid-region (despite repetitive strong discouragement.) Hiring managers are not so far-sighted to choose a pregnant woman, no matter how stellar and desperate, over an equally (or even not equally) qualified candidate. Even if I get an interview, I'll likely walk in and be dinged on the spot. The other option? Hang on until after Spawn 2 is born, then try to flee. Of course, at that point the Breadwinner will be looking for a new position of his own, and tying him down locally for anything but the best of positions will significantly inhibit HIS job hunt. The timing on this whole thing just sucks. There's also the distinct possibility that if I stick around, come November when things are fully transitioned, I'll be out of a job anyway. I can even imagine my EO justifying the decision, "Well, she has a new Spawn at home, so it's OK for her to be out of work right now."

These are problems that a man would never have, and I'm incredibly glad that I'm having another boy so that my spawn won't have to deal with this type of bias someday. I've been very fortunate to have never felt overtly discriminated against based on my gender. But although the roles of women in society are changing, there's still a strong expectation (and a necessity in my case because of the Breadwinner's situation) that the woman will be the primary caregiver for the child. Because of this, I've made career decisions (admittedly my own fault), that I would not have made as a man. People wonder why women drop off of the career ladder. It's not so much discrimination as lack of support. As a feminist (and a poor domestic), it pisses me off that due to my desire to procreate, I now have to worry about grocery shopping, potty training, and ironing instead of curing cancer and autoimmune disorders. It pisses me off that if I refocus my career, the spawn will suffer - a compromise that I'm unwilling to make. It pisses me off that I have to sacrifice my life and goals for theirs. There has to be a way to be a good parent without losing your soul.

But right now I can't restructure the social situation to provide me with the support I need to basically be a single Mom with a successful career. I can't afford a live-in nanny on my salary, and family support is strong but distant. I just have to hope that my predictions of hiring bias of pregnant women are overly dismal, and that I'll either find something else or that my current position will turn out to be as rosy as my EO predicts.